Resurrection in Dark Times

These Covid-19 lockdown days are a rollercoaster of emotions, from the blackness of despair to fleeting moments of light and hope. Even though it’s only been a few weeks, the toll on our mental health, relationships and general well-being is very high. It’s especially hard on frontline workers, those bereaved or dealing with sickness, or those families cooped up in houses and flats. I have it easy in comparison. After a ‘honeymoon’ start to lockdown, recently I’ve had to abandon all my high-flying plans for reading, writing and exercise. The last few days in particular have been very tough, even though objectively it seems like the worst is over, often it feels like an endless nightmare. At this stage, it is a question of enduring and getting through, arriving alive at the other side. Whenever that comes.

The experience reminds me a lot of the 30-day silent retreat, the Spiritual Exercises (it also reminds me of my five-week Camino walk), that we do on entering the Jesuits. The first week begins with the joy and wonder of God’s grace, but very soon you hit the wall in the third week with the pain of the Passion of Christ and all seems lost. The wisdom of the retreat is such that you have to arrive to these very dark places of disintegration and loss to appreciate the resurrection; it is God’s world and in God’s time things swing around, our lives are merely an ‘on loan’ gift. The death-resurrection experience (a ‘U’ shaped curve) is a process of slowly coming back to life and recovering the joy of simply being again. The key to it is being grateful for small things. Being in the Passion, the trough or the dip though, robs you of the ‘feel-good’ factor, of the simple pleasures of good sleep, exercise, and being on top of things. The danger is losing perspective and motivation. You have to trust the process, only through arriving at your limits allows for a hard-earned breakthrough.

Some people have written about this Covid-19 crisis as a time of grief. It’s the loss of so many things, freedom, relationships and autonomy. Awful dread days and nights are interspersed with sudden flashes of light. Like the grief process (cf. Kubler-Ross’s 5 stages of grief, a ‘U’ shaped curve), there is isolation and the feeling of dying inside, in an endless night. But like a self-righting buoy, something always brings me back to the light. At the darkest hour the dawn arrives again anew, just like always, but I forget so easily. This pandemic world of sickness and death (watching the news is horrifying) is not the end. It’s not all of reality as it proposes to be but just a temporary place of growth and purification. Unexpectedly, I am redeemed, saved from the grave. I learn about humility, compassion and grace. A person, the Christ, has lifted me up. My true destiny is revealed, to be with the Light, breaking open the clouds of weary, isolated existence.

The life and death of Jesus is not something that happened years ago and no longer relevant. Rather it is the very essence of the lives we live, the dying and the rising is a continual process that marks our lives and especially shapes our Covid-19 world. The experience of the process of suffering and pain alternates with great joy and fulfilment. Especially the last few days when I began to hit the ‘wall’, reaching the limits of my strength and endurance (Richard Rohr calls this ‘liminal space’), I know to hang on. You begin to get down, life loses its meaning and things become grey. It is a suffering of tedium, awareness of limitation and mortality. Nothing seems to happen, move or motivate me… I begin to realise I am drifting away from the life and the source itself, I am deluded by pain and weariness to believe that there is no meaning, no God and no hope… This is the experience that Jesus himself passed through in the Garden of Gethsemane, the ‘why have you forsaken me’ moment which is chilling but inspiring in its raw humanity.

That’s where the radical prayer comes in, the prayer of the cross, imitating the same ‘U’ shaped process that Jesus has lived through. Reaching the limits and handing it all over to God, holding nothing back, stepping into that dangerous mysterious void. It means trusting the ‘passionate one’, the one who has been there before us in the depths, who has beaten the rap and taken the hit for us. To pray using the words of the psalms, as Jesus did in his darkest hour, has an extraordinary power:

Into your hands O Lord, I commend my spirit
Take away this cup
Why have you forsaken me

I begin to see a chink of light, I begin to pull out of the dive, I begin to rise again.

Then, before I know it, I see the spring outside. I hear the birds again, carried and inspired, the world seems all right, the pain drifts away, I can see a way, I walk towards the light, I am walking in faith, hope and love abound. The hardest thing is hanging on in the bottom of the dive and remembering that it’s not about me, that I am being carried and I need to let myself be lifted and freed. The biggest illusion is in the mind, that there is no meaning (the work of the ‘bad spirit’) and that I only deserve the worst. It is a seductive pattern of inviting me to give up… all lies of course.

This cycle can last a year, a month, or even a day. The challenge is to live every day like a resurrection day. To be so fully present, in the moment and living the paradoxical tragedy-wonder of life. It is all about gratitude: to see the absolute giftedness of every moment, the wonder of every encounter, the silver lining on every cloud. The mask of mundanity is pulled away and I see the wonder of things, fragility, and strength, the way we are held in being at each moment. The Gospel of today, the Road to Emmaus (Luke 24), mirrors this exact same process of desolation to hope, darkness to light, and 11th-hour rescue from despair.

-Brendan McManus SJ

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Fermanagh-born Brendan McManus SJ works in the area of spirituality and spiritual accompaniment. He is the author of Redemption Road: Grieving on the Camino, a highly-praised personal reflection on healing and recovery. It deals with Brendan’s experience on the Camino pilgrimage as part of his effort to come to terms with his brother’s suicide. (Shared with kind permission from his blogpost Jesuits in Ireland)

Little Design Goes Global - Part II of III

Welcome to the second conversation with Sisters Wendy Cotter and Rosemary O’Toole talking about Little Design Communities.

“Beams of Love” © Mary Southard, CSJ, www.marysouthardart.org [i]

Wendy:  How did your Medaille Online Course begin?  

Rosemary: Well, I believe it was the Spirit! The responses to the Médaille Correspondence Course suggested to me that it was time to share both the research and the reflections online to open up a global conversation. Rudy Camelin, the husband of one of our Little Designers, skillfully set us up with a secure Forum, and with his guidance, I easily handled the registrations and weekly administration.

For fifty-two weeks of the year 2008-2009, I posted a ten-page PDF Lesson based on some aspect of Father Médaille’s writings. Each week the participating students could share their comments and interact with each other. Beyond my expectations, the Médaille Online Course attracted 1,390 registered participants from twenty-six different countries. The Forum is still active today. You can register for free and access the Médaille Online Course[ii] from our Upper Room website.

Wendy: These numbers speak to the real hunger and thirst for ‘the more’ both among the Sisters and associates and so many others to study our spirituality.

Rosemary: Yes Wendy, I have to say it caught on like a wildfire! Active members spread the email link and encouraged others to try it. I heard that many Sisters printed out the pages and shared them with others who did not have computer access. For me, the most rewarding aspect of this online experience was reading the weekly sharing of hearts - sometimes thirty or forty responses posted. A global connection with our Médaillan spirituality happened. And they asked for more…

Wendy: So was it that response that led you to consider creating a website for Little Design Communities?

Rosemary:  Exactly! In 2012, we discerned it was time to create a Little Design Communities website. Since our Ottawa small communities had been exploring the way to live this more contemplative lifestyle for fifteen years, we felt sure that we could share our experience and resources with others who might be seeking a kind of community that could support and enhance their spiritual lives as they lived in their own homes.

The website shares the vision and history of Little Design Communities. To keep the global conversation going, I posted weekly commentaries on the forty-two paragraphs of The Eucharistic Letter and readers added comments. It is loaded with a YouTube video, free downloads, resources, and guidelines for how to start your own Little Design Community. We hope it will become the ‘go to’ place for all information about Little Design Communities[iii]. Check out the FAQ section.

Wendy: Rosemary, tell us about your invitation to the International Center in Le Puy, for sessions on the Little Design.

Rosemary: This was a huge surprise! One fall morning in 2012, I received a phone call from Sr. Valerie, who had just returned from a Board Meeting in Le Puy, inviting me to offer a session at the International Centre in Le Puy, France in June 2013. I knew in my heart I was being called to present on the theme: Little Design Communities Rebirthing: The Eucharistic Letter Revisited. Sr. Claudette, a staff member, and I shared animated Skype calls, and the readiness and warmth of welcome opened wide the door for me to share Little Design in the place of our origins. What a time and place for announcing its rebirthing!  

Wendy:  As you know, I was a participant in the second of the sessions you offered there at the Center. I think all of us felt the charism of the first Sisters as we reflected on The Eucharistic Letter with you Rosemary.    

Rosemary: I have to tell you, Wendy, this was possibly the first time I had spoken without timidity, beyond the walls of The Upper Room, about these Little Design communities. I felt empowered in the Spirit to proclaim such good news to anyone who would ask or listen. I was invited back in 2014 and 2015 to offer the same Little Design Communities Rebirthing ten-day experience. Over those three years, twenty Sisters, twenty-five women, and one man participated. The countries they went back to included: France, the USA, Canada, India, England, Wales, Italy, Brazil, Haiti, and Spain.

Wendy: It meant so much to all of us to include our trip to the Lyon Motherhouse, visit the archives and actually see the copy of The Eucharistic Letter. 

Pilgrims and Sisters in the Archives in Lyon with The Eucharistic Letter, June 2013

Rosemary: My heart leapt with joy! We saw with our own eyes, and read sections of the handwritten text written by one of our early sisters. The only copy ever found, seven and one-half pages in length are preserved here. It was time to bring it into the light of day after 360 years!  

Wendy: Rosemary, was it right after that when you brought the ten-day experience back here to Canada?

Rosemary: Yes Wendy, I consulted Sr. Veronica and she encouraged me to offer a similar ten-day experience at Galilee Centre in Arnprior, ON. The immersion of the Little Design way of life fits in our modern world experience. I invited Sr. Monica Hartnett, SSJ from London U.K. to co-host these days with me. Actually, we presented Little Design Communities Rebirthing at Galilee Centre three times,

in the summer of 2016, 2017 and 2018. And over those three summers, we guided twenty-nine participants – eleven Sisters, sixteen women and two men - through the program (Canada, USA, Mexico and England).

First Session at Galilee Centre, July 2016

Wendy: Well, Rosemary, in our third and last blog, I’m looking forward to hearing about how you see the future of these Little Design Communities!

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[i] Mary Southard, CSJ, LaGrange, Illinois, USA. Gratefully, Mary gave us permission to use Beams of Love for our Little Design Communities website logo in 2012 and all printed LDC materials.

[ii] Visit the Médaille Online Course

[iii] Visit the Little Design Communities website.

TRANSFORMATION

OH, THE DEPTH

When I read this poem I felt the depth of our Sisters of St. Joseph charism and wholeness of the evolutionary process of all of Creation. The person who wrote this poem is my classmate, Sister Caroline Bering.

She told me that it “just came to her”. My impulse to share this poem with you is that I felt that it would resonate with many of us and together we would feel its beauty, goodness, and truth.

Here is the poem as originally written by Caroline without punctuation. Just let the poem speak! -Sister Mary Vandersteen

                                                 TRANS

                                                      FORM

                                                           A

                                                              TION

                                 is it the fuzzy caterpillar letting go of its very self

                                                              to become an amazing butterfly

                                         or maybe it’s the excited bud imagining what it will be –

                                                                              a rosebud

                                     or even a yellow head dandelion always turning to the sun

                                                                                       or

                                                is it me looking inward through layers and layers

                                                                         until I reach down to

                                                                               the divine spark

                                                                     that calls me to flare forth

                                                                         in a blazing fire of love

                                                       to ignite cold hearts to burn with compassion

~Sister Caroline Bering

Blue Community in London Ontario

London is now part of the worldwide Blue Community movement.  London City Council voted almost unanimously in favour of becoming a Blue Community on March 23, 2021.

This is a victory for water protection and social justice. London City staff and London City Council have supported requests from the Council of Canadians and our allies to pass the resolutions needed to become a Blue Community. Now Londoners know even more certainly that their needs for water are primary and placed before profit-driven interests. Instead, water itself is valued as essential for life, as a common good, cared for and distributed with equality and preservation in mind.

What does becoming a Blue Community actually mean? The motions passed by City Council state that:

•  Water and water sanitization are recognized as a human right.

•  The sale of single-use plastic bottled water is reaffirmed as banned at City venues and events where access to municipal water exists.

•  The City will oppose privatization in any form of water delivery and water treatment.

In making these resolutions London joins 78 Blue Communities in the world and 47 in Canada, a number growing rapidly with London’s Brescia University College becoming a Blue Community just days ago. Other Blue Communities include the Sisters of St. Joseph, Vancouver, Paris, Berlin, Los Angeles, and Bayfield.

London has had a policy in place for some years regarding the phasing out of plastic bottled water sales in City venues and our utilities have a plan in place providing assistance to those who cannot pay their water bills. The Council of Canadians has been advocating since 2018 for the adoption of the full package of Blue Community resolutions, and we have been joined in this campaign by allies such as The Federation of the Sisters of St. Joseph, the Urban League of London, Climate Action London and the London and District  Labour Council.

Canadians care deeply about water and many know our seemingly endless gifts of water are actually threatened on many fronts. Blue Community resolutions are something municipalities and other communities can do to take a position for water protection and for water justice.

Imagine whole watersheds – such as the Thames /Antler River system - making these commitments.

Canadian Maude Barlow, past water advisor to the United Nations General Assembly and cocreator of the Blue Community movement in 2009 had a dream- “It is my hope and my dream that it (the Blue Community movement ) can unite us in the quest for sound water stewardship and water justice”.)  

London has been part of making this dream a reality as of March 23, 2021.

-Sister Loretta Manzara, csj | Federation of Sisters of St. Joseph of Canada