Crashing in The Darkness

Waves, picture by Sr Donna Smith, 2021

Have you ever sat and just listened to waves lapping against the shoreline? “Yes”, what about on a very cold winter’s night and the water is meeting the ice cap that has formed along the shoreline? Imagine the sound of geese off to the west and a distant train echoing through town, but what I hear the most is the unique sound of water splashing over the ice along the banks of Lake Ontario.

It is like an unfolding roll of thunder, not an unpleasant noise, but a sound that is intriguing and mysterious to listen to. It is quiet then suddenly a wave hits the ice cap, sprays over it, and ebbs back into the lake. Isn’t that how our mind works some days? Our minds are quiet then without prelude we are awash with a flood of thoughts and emotions disquieting our stillness, awakening us from our darkness, or maybe even bringing the darkness with it.

How do we cope with this intrusion in our minds? Do we accept it and carry on or do we meander over each new thought and emotion? Each time we experience this differently, but we must never let these moments overwhelm us. We are invited to sift out what is good and carry that forward, perhaps especially these days of isolation. It is in these moments that God speaks to us if we are truly listening with the heart. It is in this darkness that we may crash about but we are never if open, beaten. Rather, in these moments we are offered opportunities to draw us closer to what really matters in life: our families, our friends, our contacts, but most of all the beauty of creation, faith, and values of God.

So, let’s take the time and listen to the darkness and what is crashing about, we will never know what God wants us to hear when we cannot see it in the light of day.

 - Sister Donna Smith, CSJ | Feb 17, 2021 Cobourg, Ontario

The UnReal Reality

During the years of my hospital chaplaincy, I frequently wondered which is more difficult to bear, a physical or a mental illness.  As distortions of reality are common symptoms of many psychiatric conditions, whenever I engaged with patients struggling with mental illness, it was challenging to grasp what their perception of reality was.  While I respected and acknowledged what they considered to be real, it was vital to get some sense of what was real and what was distorted due to their illness.  

Even for those of us not suffering from any psychiatric condition, it can be a challenge to face situations where it can be difficult to differentiate between what is real and what is not.  We are all familiar, with ‘fake news’ à la Trump.  Ad nauseam on social media and elsewhere these days we have been inundated with false information leaving us unsure about what is or is not real. Take advertising of cosmetics, for instance.  In a variety of different ways, both subtle and not so subtle, we are plied with gimmicks about the magical properties of cosmetics.  More than ever before, our world is rife with distorted realities, virtual realities, photoshopped realities, to just name a few. 

Yes, of course, we all know distorted or false perceptions of reality have always been part of the human condition. Just think how often we not only tell ourselves lies but also know from experience that we see things as we are not as they are.  At times, we choose to see things through rose coloured glasses, as perhaps we might do when we speak about someone in a eulogy highlighting all the good of the deceased, creating an incomplete picture of that person. At other times, we might speak unkindly about someone’s faults or weaknesses, failing to paint the full, true picture of who that person is.

“we see things as we are, not as they are”

If we own that even under normal circumstances our perceptions of reality can be distorted, just think of the impact this almost yearlong pandemic has had on our perception of reality.  We keep talking about this new reality of our lived experience permeating our entire world.  So, what is this real new reality?  Naturally, the way you see it is not the same as I see it, for we see things as we are, not as they are. For people everywhere, during this pandemic, the world feels bleaker.  Though so many of us are tired of the miserable drudgery of unchanging days and restless nights, for us in the northern hemisphere midwinter adds to the bleakness of our days. In other parts of the world where folks enjoy the warmth and sunshine of midsummer, things may possibly not look quite as bleak. 

““What we do see depends mainly on what we look for.”
John Lubbock”

That things beyond our control hugely impact our lives, is a given. However, as we know, we still have a choice in how we view even those things beyond our control.  Though I am tempted to borrow Shakespeare’s phrase to dub my situation as ‘the winter of my discontent’ (or should that read the year of my discontent) might there be another way of looking at it? No, not through rose coloured glasses but rather with a mindset that prompts me to remember that “What we do see depends mainly on what we look for.” (John Lubbock) Granted, that is easier said than done, especially during these days of the pandemic that can dredge up all sorts of negative thoughts that blind us to what is real. 

Our minds can play tricks on us, as can our feelings and it is helpful to remind ourselves during these trying times of distorted realities, not to believe everything our minds and feelings tell us.  I have a fondness for A. A. Milne’s character Eeyore with his low mood, distaste for social situations, and not being in the best frame of mind much of the time.  He tends to show a distrust for others always expecting the worst out of people and situations. Does his personality perhaps reflect how we feel off and on during this pandemic?  I certainly have had my moments of such a distorted view of life during this pandemic.  In moments like these, it can feel as if an emotional contra-band sneaks into one’s mind, threatening to take over. The million-dollar question is, how do we extract ourselves from the clutches of these false perceptions? During these difficult times, when we at times fail to see reality for what it really is, there may not be an easy, instant remedy. With grace, patience, and the loving support of a beloved soul friend, however, we can restore our inner equilibrium and vision to help us see more clearly.

True, in our lifetime we will never have a perfect, unbiased vision of reality.  Since we bring our personality, our history, our life experience to all the situations we encounter, they colour the perception of everything we perceive. We can only hope that, as St. Paul wrote to the Corinthians, “Now that which we see is as if we were looking in a broken mirror. But then we will see everything. Now I know only a part. But then I will know everything in a perfect way.” (1 Cor. 13:12) For now, however, let us hold onto the promise in John's prologue that the light shines in the darkness and the darkness does not overwhelm it.  That is a promise we all need to see fulfilled.

-Sister Magdalena Vogt, cps

My Heart Is Moved

My earliest memory of Valentine's Day was hearing my mother tell me that my father did not do any shopping except for Valentine's day. “He had to make sure his children would have Valentines” she would remind us.   

Every year, I loved hearing that story. It spoke to me of my father’s love for us, and of a wife who also treasured this memory of her husband who had died much too young, leaving her a widow, with seven children.  My Irish mother had a wise way of basting that story like an egg, and it is forever etched in my memory and treasured in my heart.

In keeping with the theme of love and loss, I find myself reflecting on all the good-hearted health care workers in all parts of our world.  They have been kind and caring for critically ill, frightened, and dying patients with Covid 19. To this, there has been an outpouring of gratitude by the public, rippling through towns, cities, and the entire world. Witnessing the commitment of health care workers, we ourselves have been empowered to rise up, to give more. 

We shift into a deepened oneness with the suffering, the caregiver, the “dear neighbor” hence, consciously expand our circle of loving to include all people.

This Valentine Day I predict there will be more home-made Valentines. There will be more flowers given. This year I will remember the life-giving energy of significant people who currently touch my life, especially those people in the past who have loved me into life. They are etched in my soul. 

 - Sr. Patricia St. Louis csj         

Small Things, Great Outcomes in a Time of Pandemic

The renowned Dutch artist, Vincent Van Gogh, claimed that “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” This week we were reminded of that truth on hearing of the death of Captain Sir Tom Moore whose image leapt onto the “global stage” and into the hearts of the world, as with his “walker”, he did laps of his garden at his home in England. Perhaps the person most surprised by his sudden fame was Captain Moore himself! With a challenge set by his family, Captain Moore took to walking 100 laps of his garden before his 100th birthday in order to try to raise 1000.00 pounds sterling to support front-line care workers in the National Health System during the challenging days of the pandemic. In the event, by his centenary celebrations, Captain Moore raised an astounding 32 million pounds for the cause contributed by people around the globe. Before beginning his venture Captain Moore had said, “one small soul like me won’t make much difference.” How wrong he was. The difference he made was phenomenal and not simply in terms of the monetary outcome but perhaps most of all by the witness he was to all of us of the reality that small things truly matter.

How many of us, I wonder, have asked a question similar to that expressed by Captain Moore, “What can I do – I can’t make any difference in these challenging Covid days?” We may feel overwhelmed in these times, sure that we have little to offer in the context of so many restrictions, fears and uncertainties. Yet, perhaps one of the greatest contributions we can make is to embrace the small things of life and let them challenge us to move beyond despair and apathy to reach out to others and, in turn, to be freed of inertia and personal despondency. We can make a difference.

St. Thérèse de Lisieux

Of course, Captain Moore is a contemporary example of what has been understood spiritually throughout the centuries. Possibly, one of the most well-known advocates of the promise of small things was St. Thérèse de Lisieux, the nineteenth-century Carmelite nun, who within the confines of a cloistered religious community in France, came to the realization that in the end what truly matters is doing the small things well.  Thérèse’s impact on the world beyond her physical boundaries was and continues to be, immense. Hers was a commitment to the chores and to the people we encounter in the humdrum moments of our lives. She reminded us that “nothing is small in the eyes of God” and she admonished us to “do all that you do with love.” Similarly, this idea is found in many great spiritual traditions. American Rabbi, Berel Wein, for example, points out that, “in truth, it is the small things that define us.” The Torah, he says, is seemingly pre-occupied with the small things in life and he concludes that “great ideas are only communicated through small things, everyday behaviours, the mitzvoth of life.” Only through fidelity to small acts does the great become realized.” Likewise, in the Islamic tradition, it’s said that the prophet Mohammad claimed that the deeds most pleasing to God are the regular constant deeds even though they may be very small. One also senses that in the mindfulness of the Buddhist tradition is the reverence for the small things of life. Regardless of one’s values or faith, fidelity to the small things becomes the means of sharing love, care, and positive energy not only in our local spaces but beyond into our communities and the world and we may never know the impact.

“nothing is small in the eyes of God”

The small things matter and perhaps especially so in the place in which we find ourselves today. This time of pandemic is a time when perhaps all people, no matter how strong, are struggling. Some with feelings of despondency, fear, loneliness, hopelessness, a sense of inadequacy, mental health challenges, sickness and grief. In this context, small things truly matter. At a personal level committing to the regularities of daily living keeps us engaged and balanced, lifted up. Even if we are feeling overwhelmed and unable to do anything, the reality is we can! A friend of mine, a psychiatric nurse, the late Sister Angela Cooling, OSA, once said to me very wisely, “always remember there is nothing about which something can’t be done”! What are some small  “somethings” we might consider in this time?

We can always undertake acts of kindness, affirmation, and patience in our homes and communities. Beyond our homes, these ‘’acts” might be practised through a phone call, a card or letter, a zoom call. Perhaps those of us who are able to do grocery shopping can think of helping another who is unable to do so or maybe we can purchase a small treat to deliver to another person. At the beginning of the pandemic, I read of two inspirational high school students, “regular boys” who on seeing an elderly man struggling at a supermarket, spent all their own money on buying paper bags and small items they thought older people may appreciate and then with great care in terms of infection prevention, delivered these gifts around their neighbourhood. The joy they brought to many is incalculable.

What about forming an on-line group of those who are willing to write notes to residents of long term care facilities or jails or notes of affirmation and gratitude for front-line workers? We might gather our communities together on-line to share the reading of a book to lift spirits and for personal growth or to share together conversation involving those who may not normally be in our circle or who cannot reach out for help and community. Other groups might take up necessary advocacy these days. Perhaps, like Captain Moore, we can think of a small way to raise funds to help others. Like his, our small acts can have great outcomes. Significantly, we can always pray for healing and hope together online or personally. Using our creativity there are multitudes of possibilities for those small things we can still do until the “clouds of our day” lift. Small things matter. Together let’s embrace them with love and let’s share them to accelerate the heartbeat of care in our world today. With Mother (St.) Teresa of Calcutta may we know that “There are no great things, only small things done with great love.”

-Sister Mary Rowell, CSJ